Gotta Start Somewhere, So … Let’s Talk About The Cost Of Orgasms

There are a lot of topics to cover on an early retirement blog. Like, how I saved all this money. Or what I’m going to do with all my time now that I’m not working. Or which world currency has the most attractive people on them.

But let’s start with what we’re all thinking about anyway. That is of course, as the french say, le sex.

You may not think of sex as a central factor in early retirement, but oh ho ho is it ever important. As people, we spend so much money in pursuit of it. Especially when it’s out of reach.

First example: I once sent flowers to girl I barely knew. It cost me about $100. She was “flattered” but barely spoke to me again. Thinking back, she barely spoke to me before that. I’m not sure why I sent those flowers. I was young, I probably got some bad advice, and I didn’t know anything about that world that I hadn’t seen on TV.

I was plenty embarrassed afterwards. I spent days in the dark recovering. The source, however, was only partly the rejection (I got plenty of those.) More than that, it was the money. $100 invested, nothing in return but a bruised ego. That stung.

In the absence of a sexual strategy, I was trying everything I could to solve the issue of sex. Including throwing money at the problem. (Stopping short of hiring a prostitute. The illegality of that immediately crosses it off the list of options for me. YMMV.)

Even when the sex supply/demand economics are not against you, the price can still be pretty high.

You can imagine, in the world in general, the money spent on drinks, fancy dinners, and clothes and cars and all the indirects in the pursuit of sex. And this isn’t one-sided by any means. There may be the drink-buyers, but on the other side there’s the makeup and heels and dresses and whatever else it takes to get the drinks bought for you.

Sex + Math = 🍆

For a second, factor out the desire for sex and relationships from life. What would change? How much money would you save? If it’s more than zero, which it probably is at least if you’re single, we can assume there’s a cost associated with these things.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that cost. Money is for buying things that we want, be that through a direct exchange or indirectly by building the life that’ll attract the things we want in it. But it’s still a cost.

I know this really well, because for years and years in my twenties, that cost for me was almost zero. My dwindling mental health meant that I went years-long stretches without spending a cent on sex investing. And that left me a hell of a lot of money for myself. Which I also wasted. Which is a topic for another time I’m sure.

Financial Independence Is A Team Sport

When I got past the emergency fund part of saving, and got serious about FI, I never paid for another first date. I dressed nicely, but never wore anything expensive and ditched the cost of any colognes or aftershaves or whatever guys use that leaves my apartment building elevator smelling like flowers on Saturday nights. And I couldn’t pick a girl up in my car because I didn’t have one.

All of this was intentional. Because I wanted a partner who shared my money values. If someone didn’t enjoy splitting the bill on our early dates, then it was probably not my kind of person. If someone wanted me to wear nicer shoes than I would wear any other day of the week, again, not for me. If someone had a lot of credit card debt but earned decent money and couldn’t manage it, well, that’s a tougher one but you get the picture.

It’s gonna be hard to retire early unless your partner shares that vision. And maybe you or they don’t even start out that way, and that’s okay, but you have to move towards it together.

I found a partner who not only matches my spending values, but if anything makes me feel like the spendy one! And you don’t even have to have a partner if you’re happier alone. That’s a perfectly okay choice as well.

But whether your orgasms are alone, or you compare the prices of birth control options with your average sex frequency to see which option has the lowest CPO (cost per orgasm), sex is an important part of your financial independence strategy.

And me, well, I never gave anyone flowers ever again.

Suggestive photo by unsplash-logoCharles Deluvio 🇵🇭🇨🇦

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3 thoughts on “Gotta Start Somewhere, So … Let’s Talk About The Cost Of Orgasms”

  1. I 100% agree on you have to find the right partner with your same values to reach your goals. I spent $0 for the first month of dating my wife. We swam in the river, went on hikes, and watched movies at home. After a month she said, Have we even been on a real date yet? So, the next morning we went for a drink at the local coffee shop. $6 well spent! Good original writing. I enjoyed this!

    1. Hey Josh! Yes! I can see why you married her. Tell her some rando on the internet said she’s awesome 🙂

      And thanks for the kind words! Your site looks great, looking forward to digging into the archives.

  2. “But whether your orgasms are alone, or you compare the prices of birth control options with your average sex frequency to see which option has the lowest CPO (cost per orgasm), sex is an important part of your financial independence strategy.”

    Love it! Great way to kick off the site. I really enjoyed your writing style and the humor throughout. Also, thanks for stopping by DH and dropping a comment. Much appreciated.

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